Ben Stowell: Goobye Darcy 😭

Our cat of almost 11 years, Mr. Darcy, disappeared two weeks ago. It has hit me pretty hard. Like a lot of cats he was pretty aloof, independent, and indifferent to the folks around him. He didn't like his personal space being invaded and would quickly lose his temper if picked up. But every now and then he would be very sweet, happy, and cuddly. He rarely purred but when he did it was special. About a year ago when I was sick and stuck in bed, his personality changed and he was suddenly very concerned about me and spent more time with me, only to return to his normal indifferent self once I got better (typical...).

Even though he was that way, he would act socially too in some ways. At night he would almost always spend the night on someone's bed at their feet. If I got out of bed, he would get out too and follow me, and if I got back in bed he would get back in with me. He was very curious and hated closed doors, often scratching and meowing at them so he could check out what's inside. He had a strong sense of object permanence; if nothing had changed from previous days, he would quickly change rooms. But if there was a change, he would be curious and check it out. He was very anxious. He would run away from strange objects, new people or animals, and anything that made loud noises like the vacuum. Normally he would never go under blankets, but during thunderstorms he would sheepishly sneak under them and start shivering. No amount of cuddling or reassurance from me seemed to do him any good; he would stay miserable during loud events. He did the same when we had large fans running to dry the carpet after it had been cleaned.

He would often hunt and catch small birds, mice, rats, and baby bunnies. Once he caught a bat of all things. I felt tortured by this as I wanted to save the critters, and I did save a few small bunnies and birds. But at the same time there are a lot of bunnies in our neighborhood and it might be good to have a bit of population control... Often he would bring these animals inside which freaked me out. Though I admit how adorable it was how he would do his victory strut inside and his primordial pouch would swing back and forth. The worst was when I woke up to squeaking under my bed in the early morning – a baby bunny – and had to take it outside and shut out the cat. That inspired the following poem:

18 March 2024 - Baby Bunny Blood

i wake up to a squeak

a little baby bleat

baby bunny blood

on the floor, on the sheets

how the cat would howl

wanting out the back door
baby bunny disemboweled
on our back porch

with food in his dish he did it for sport

with nature like this, no God of course
i wanna blame the little thing for his murdering brain
but it’s not his fault, he was born this way

Often he would have accidents, regurgitating whatever he was getting into. I won't miss cleaning up those messes, or the blood off the carpet from innocent animals he dragged in. Usually it only takes maybe up to 5 minutes to clean a mess, but recently he ate a mouse or rat and I guess his stomach couldn't take it. It took me something like 30 to 45 minutes, and a whole lotta Spot Shot, to get the carpet back to new.

Despite these headaches, I still miss him.

At the risk of sounding too nerdy, he inspired me to come up with a word just before he disappeared: philomeiony. Pronounced: fil-uh-MAY-uh-nee; or in IPA: /fɪləmeɪəni/, /fɪl.ə.meɪ.ə.ni/

From Greek phil meaning love, and meíōn meaning lesser (https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%CE%BC%CE%B5%CE%AF%CF%89%CE%BD). "Love of the Lesser."

Darcy reminded me that even though something could be so small and "unachieving", like a cat, I could still feel this feeling of love and preciousness. It reminds me that something can be lesser and yet so valuable. Less valuable does not mean worthless. Something can be less-and-yet-great. So philomeiony means: The feeling that something is smaller or lesser and yet at the same time that it is precious and irreplaceable nonetheless, and feeling a great love for it.

I give credit to ChatGPT for helping me come up with this word. It's similar to the word 'pity', though usually 'pity' evokes ideas of sadness or looking down at something. Philomeiony is the opposite: it's a happiness – an admiring, loving, cherishing, and looking up at something despite its perceivably lesser features. You might also think that 'love' already builds into it this idea of loving something in spite of its shortcomings. Even still, 'philomeiony' sounds to me more specific and ambivalent than 'love', emphasizing both the feeling that something is lesser and yet feeling love all the same. Often with love you feel that what you love is greater, not lesser! Another close word is 'adorable' or 'adoration'.

You could also go for a word like 'elattophilia' from Greek elatton meaning lesser. But '-philia' has unsavory connotations given words like 'pedophilia' and 'necrophilia'. You could go for something like 'philelattony', but that's a bit of an ugly word. The modern Greek spelling is elasson – elassophila or philelassony. Still ugly. There may be a word out there that already captures what 'philomeiony' is going for, or there might be a better neologism to be made. Maybe 'love' is enough.

You could add a certain nuance to philomeiony, that it might not be you who views the object as lesser, but rather the object is viewed as lesser by others, and you understand why this is, and maybe you only partially accept it or withhold both acceptance and rejection.

Derivations:

Philomeioner = Someone that experiences philomeiony.

Philomeionizer = Someone or something that philomeionizes.

Philomeionize = To evoke philomeiony within someone.

Philomeionized = To have been struck with philomeiony by someone or something.

Philomeionous = To be prone to experiencing philomeiony or to be experiencing philomeiony, or to relate to philomeiony.

Philomeionable = To be worthy of philomeiony or prone to philomeionizing.

Philomeioning = The act of viewing someone or something as lesser and yet loving it and appreciating it anyway.

Philomeionied = To be viewed as lesser and loved and appreciated anyway; to be the subject of someone's philomeiony.

This doesn't seem all that clean to me, and maybe part of that is my own imperfect derivations, and maybe part of it is that English doesn't lend itself all that well to creating clean derivations.

At the risk of risk of sounding even more nerdy, here's another poem, inspired by 'philomeiony':

24 Sep 2025 - Philomeiony

strike in me, in my heart, philomeiony

humanity
grant me philanthropy
despite how broken, it
works good enough
what else is there?
beggars can’t choose
despite your shortcomings i don’t want
to be short on you
please stop feeling insecure
you are nothing, and yet
it kills me to see you hurt
i am hungry, i don’t care if
the food is a tad burnt
i know i am broken and i know
you’re better off with me
than not

remove from me this heart of stone

let me radiate warmth like the hearthstone

comparisons are never fair i don't

care i don't care i don't care

you are you

and you are there

i can compartmentalize my criticism
and not take for granted how much better things are

that you are there

what else is there
to do?
beggars can’t choose, and yet
i would, in fact, choose you

Here's a blurry photo of when Darcy was a baby (late 2014):